Being Single... according to a fellow blogger

Here's an article which a fellow blogger wrote and published in the Philippine Star today, May 27. Read on:

It’s the best thing in the world, this business of being single,” Craig, my former college classmate, announced to all of us gathered at a mini reunion. He — 45 years old, VP of a Silicon Valley-based computer and technology giant, smart, sensible and quite the looker — was recently divorced from a wife of 13 years, and dare I say that he has never looked better.

I had met his ex-wife once, many years ago, and she was everything we had expected her to be — or make that everything we had expected Craig to go for — tall, evenly tanned, slim, with long dark hair, whip-smart and as attractive and ambitious as he is. But perhaps everybody — including Craig himself — failed to factor in the most important thing crucial to the sustainability of any union: compatibility.

Craig, a former college varsity basketball player, is sporty and outdoorsy. His ex-wife is a gym rat all right, but more for personal aesthetic reasons than for leisure and enjoyment. He lived to travel to exotic places; she loved the comfort of home. He worked an honest week and then transformed into a weekend warrior, venturing out of town and out of doors to scuba dive, skydive, snow and water ski, mountain climb and rappel, kayak and river raft — anything to taunt the limits of mortality, or feel that he is very much alive and in control. She, on the other hand, lived to enjoy the comforts of home, the warmth of a fireplace with wine glass in hand, and the entertainment that an old, black and white movie afforded the romantic and the sentimental.

Predictably, in time, their differences eroded whatever initial attraction had fueled them. Two children (ages six and 10) later, they found themselves estranged and clamoring for separate lives.

“Love is a decision, you know,” he told me, “not an emotion. To love someone in spite of everything is not humanly possible. It’s not only corny, it’s a load of crap, pardon me saying. If you hear of someone sticking it out with a spouse regardless of their innumerable differences, that’s because he has decided to, not because he loves her. There simply is no such thing.”

“In my country and my culture, the men tend to stay with their wives but maintain mistresses on the side just to keep things tolerable,” I pointed out to him. “We’re Catholic and all, you know. We don’t do no-fault divorces.”

“Sure, I know that — I respect it, actually,” he said. “But I couldn’t live like that. Just couldn’t. Unimaginable. I like things legitimate, ironed out, clean. If I do find the right one and fall in love again — heaven forbid — I would make an honest woman out of her. I’m not going to do anything under the table, crouch around, go to empty, out-of-the-way restaurants and do stunts like that, or however else you guys do it — no offense. Life is much too complicated to engineer clandestine, overt couplings, you know what I mean?” he said, adding, “Best to cut clean and cut your losses. And then start over.

“You ask about my kids,” he continued. “They’re realists; I raised them to be. They’re resilient. I want them to live honest lives so it has to start with me. I need to be truthful.”

I mentioned to Craig that a good friend of mine — 40-something, Filipino, Catholic, and married with children — once told me that he who divorces his wife has no integrity because he has no staying power, no word of honor, and does not make his children’s welfare a priority. Craig immediately responded, “Does this friend have a mistress?” I didn’t answer. Craig looked at me in a funny way and volleyed back, “Now you tell me who has no integrity, he who divorces his wife to be true to himself or he who stays with her and keeps a mistress on the side?”

I sat tight, taking it all in — everything he said, word for word. And thought about all my married men friends and my single men friends and tried to decide which group was happier. I affectionately call my married friends “lifers.” Regardless of sex, regardless of their happiness index, they are all tied down — period. The only option they have left is to live out the rest of destiny, which their decision to get married in the first place, to whoever woman and under whatever circumstances, has predetermined for them. My single friends, on the other hand seem to be living the life: unattached and unaccountable to needling wives. But really, how much do I know about them to conclude that they are happier? Aren’t they forever on the look out for Ms. Right? Aren’t they forever going on first dates? Aren’t they forever going out, dining out, partying? No baggage, no worries, no drama? Okay, you’re right, maybe they’re the happier bunch based on those points.

But still, I find no answers in my head because in Filipino culture, once a man is past his 30s, he is automatically suspected of being gay if he remains single. Either that or he is a mama’s boy with major intimacy problems. I told Craig this and he was not surprised because his line of work has taken him to all corners of the globe. He said, in jest, “Better to be called something you’re not than to be unhappy for the rest of you’re life. Nothing wrong at all about being gay but disastrous to be unhappy and handcuffed to its source all the way to your grave.”

To turn the mood a little lighter I told him something a single male friend once told me in all seriousness. “Craig, I have this friend, a bachelor and mighty proud of it, who told me what a fellow bachelor said to him once: ‘All women are bitches except for your mother and mine.’” He doubled over in laughter and said, “I am dying to agree with him except that I might not walk out of here alive considering how many women are present in this room.”

I looked around me and spotted a dozen women, easily, so I hailed a few over and repeated my remark about bitches and mothers. “And Craig here is reluctant to concur for fear of his life,” I announced. A chorus of cackling women erupted, “Come clean, Craig. What do you say to that?” He raises his glass and says, “Since you asked for it, you’ll get it. I say that yes, according to her friend, all women are complicated bitches except for his mother and mine, and I drink to that.” No sooner had he uttered his last word than an avalanche of throw pillows, cocktail napkins, pieces of Melba toast and half-eaten olives descended on him. For the rest of the evening he puttered around the room smelling like an hors d’oeuvres plate.

But really, I’m curious. Who do you think has more integrity, he who remains single, he who divorces his wife for legitimate reasons, or he who honors his marriage vows but carries on extramarital affairs?

swine flu scare

i entered the hotel this morning only to be surprised by the doorman checking my body temperature. he sounded apologetic when he placed that white device a foot away from my neck. good thing i feel okay except for the occasional cough which has no plan to leave me soon.

does the precautionary measures being taken by the hotel mean the swine flu is for real? now, i am getting scared..

slumdog millionaire

just this evening, i watched the movie "slumdog millionaire". it was just a pirated but very clear copy lent to me by my boss. she has nothing but high praises for the movie that she promised she will buy an original copy once it becomes available in the market.

i got curious when that movie earned 8 awards at the recent oscars. hence, despite my busy schedule, i took the time off and relaxed a little bit with bars of chocolate on hand.

the movie depicted the grim realities of life especially living in depressed areas somewhere in mumbai, india. it made me sad...

one of the most touching parts of the movie which almost brought me to tears is when jamal kissed the facial scar of latika. it was so romantic!

my rating? 5 as the highest, hmm... 3 stars!

my nephew just made it to the nursing board exams!

hey! don't look at me like that! i am not yet that old! (as to why i already have a 20-year-old-something nephew, is a another story)

anyway, my officemate informed me just this afternoon that the result for the nursing board licensure examination for those who took it last november 2008 has already been released. despite my busy schedule, i still managed to browse the net and scan the name of my nephew, Alvin Jason Kaimo Cascara.

by the way, Alvin just happened to be a magna cum laude of his batch (2008) at the university of san carlos (usc), college of nursing.

i was no longer surprised when i saw his name in the list of the recent nursing board passers. (for a complete list, please click this)

i strongly believe he would have made it to the top ten had it not with his eye problem. was it just last year that he had his eyes operated? i'm not sure.

but who cares? what's more important is, Alvin is now a Registered Nurse!

Kudos Alvin! :)

drafting my marital history

now that we're through celebrating valentine's day, let me tell you that i have already filed an annulment case against my ex-husband. hopefully, it will prosper to my favor...

for now, i am into drafting my marital history. so far, i have already written 5 pages, and it is not even 50% yet of what had actually happened.

hopefully, i will have the courage to publish it in this blog. although, i've already posted bits of it through my other blog, this one is different. you'll know someday why. just stay tuned. :)

Let's Make a Memory

Love is in the air.  In this season of love, let me share to you one of my favorite songs.  Here it is:

Let's Make a Memory

You and I will build a world of our own
Where we can run to
We will find what all true lovers have known
We'll make our dreams come true

As we walk in this land
Heart and heart hand in hand, darling
Put your faith in me
Lets make a memory

You and I will have dream so long for tonight
for love to come around
hold on me and lay yourself by my side
we'll take away the doubts

after all said and done
memeories on the run, darling
put your faith in me
Lets make a memory

Lets make a memory
Bright as the stars that shines above
Let's fill our cup with the wine of love
Just you and me
And memories of love.

Too good to be true? Yes, i think it is.  But a hopeless romantic in me is still struggling to resist reminiscing the... hehehe.  Never mind! ;-)  

tips on how to apply for a passport (part 4)

Continuation from previous post:

4) Don't hesitate to ask the guard for directions (e.g., the window where you will have to submit your application documents)

5) If you followed tip nos. 1 & 2 shown on my previous post, you won't have to go to the basketball court where authentication/verification of documents is required.

6) Be snappy. Walk fast in going to one window/area to another. If you need to run, run! (hehehe)

7) If DFA is far from your workplace/residence, better have your passport delivered for a fee of P99.

What are you waiting for?! Move!!! :)